This can be very hard to actually live because as soon as someone begins to withdraw their love, communication or attention towards us, we tend to get all fidgety about it as if it DOES have something to do with us. We aren’t getting our energy fix. But let’s look at what really is going on.
When someone has a response to you, your thoughts, your behaviors or your actions, what really is going on? Someone else, other than you, is experiencing life. It just happens to be the kind of life you may not want, but who are you to say what and how someone else chooses to experience life? After all, there are truly an infinite number of possible expressions of creation energy available, so it would make sense that sometimes others close to you may choose experiences that don’t please you. Don’t you remember those very accurate lyrics of old~ You can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself?
Author of “Loving What Is”, Byron Katie, says there are three kinds of business: yours, mine and God’s. That means of all the types of business, you can only effect any sort of change in one of those types. Guess which one?
So when someone won’t speak to you, or someone you love is mad at you, or someone you admire thinks poorly of you, you want to get involved, right? You think it is time to step into action. But what would you be doing? Trying to convince them that the choice of experiences they have involved themselves in is wrong? How can that be? If there are an infinite number of choices, are some bad or wrong and some good or right? Doubt it. They are simply ways to express infinite creation.
So that leaves you having your experience, right? And you have this gnawing thought that if they would only change their experience, (ie. their thoughts about you) that your experience would then be better. But in order to convince them their reactions are wrong, you’d have to engage in defensiveness, don’t you imagine? And what is defensiveness other than an ego tool, aimed at getting you to look better than someone else? Ok, can’t use that. What then? Can’t you defend yourself? From what? From someone having an experience you don’t like? Yes. You can arm yourself with love. That’s about it.
What if someone openly attacks you and says you are the reason for their miserable life? Ever had that happen? Got teenagers? Are you being asked to change into something they want? Don’t they want you to experience them in another fashion? What is the rule? What someone else thinks of you is none of your business. Ouch. Let the ego push to defend and criticize, to placate, ameliorate or fix something, let it go. This is not your experience, it is theirs. You can do several things if you are an inherent do-er. One, listen to what they are not saying, hear them complain and try and be compassionate about the experience they have created. Two, try anything on they are handing to you. Does any of it fit, are you being pig-headed and self-centered? If so, take note to do some introspection. And three, when someone is blaming or shaming you, take a mental picture of what it looks like to experience life as a victim, so when you play that role, you remember how diminishing it is to everyone, especially yourself.
OK, try it out this month, what other people think of you really is none of your business. It is extremely liberating. This quote I read the other day says it all,
“You can be right, or you can be free”.
You are absolutely correct
A perfect complimentary tool to ‘what you think of me is none of my business’ is a response that is a dead end for arguments and honoring as well. To understand that everyone is living their own story is to recognize that we create our own worlds based on our own beliefs, propensities, desires, needs, biology, physiology and so on. No two individuals are the same here on planet Earth where uniqueness is the name of the game. That being said, when someone comes at you with their own belief about the world or about you, or just about their advice, recognize that it is true for them. Not necessarily for you, but who are you to try and convince someone who has no interest in changing that there may be another way? Your reply could be something as simple as, “You’re absolutely correct.” This means you honor the fact that their world includes this belief they are trying to push on you. It does not mean you agree or have any intention of agreeing. The point is, you are honoring the uniqueness of the other. Other options are: You are so right. Yes, you’re right. and so on.
It seems easy, but try it for a week, as the Spiritual Vision Questers have to do. It isn’t as easy as you think, there is a natural tendency to defend and engage in attack. No need, life flows a lot smoother if you simply float in the river of life as opposed to attempting to hang on the branches on the bank.
“Be Grateful for whoever comes;
Because each has been Sent;
As a Guide from Beyond.”
~ Rumi
“When one steadfastly refuses to give slap for slap, allowing
animosity no foothold in one’s being, a tremendous power of love
develops in the heart. That love and its attendant forgiveness is
the first budding of the bliss of God.”
~Yogananda
“When you look through eyes of Love,
you see a world of Love beaming back at you.”
You can visit Julie’s website at JRHutslar.com or email her at
julie@jrhutslar.com
