Kali: Birthing the New
[F] emale friendships are often compelling, life affirming, joyful and cherished, but complex. Why do some friendships succeed and others fail? When a friendship becomes troubled how do you know whether to hang on or let go? What do you do when you hit a rough spot? Letting go of a female friendship can be as painful as breaking up with a significant other.
We had been there for each other through thick and thin, turned to each other for laughs or advice and here she was, lacking any enthusiasm. Something about her lukewarm response on the phone about my new relationship should have been my first red flag. She clearly reacted cool to this new development in my life. But I went ahead and made the trip to her home where she made little effort to get to know who I saw as my sun and moon. Come to think of it, she had never really warmed up to any of my love interests. That night in our hotel room I was crying incessantly. I think I knew deep down that this impasse the two of us had reached after many years of friendship was the beginning of the end.
[I] nstead of being assertive I just felt hurt, tired and angry. I couldn’t see how she could be a part of this future chapter of my life. There had been times we talked out the changes we saw happening in our lives. Like when she got married or after the birth of her child. But this time everything wasn’t about her. It would be all about me, the bride, and that proved to be difficult.
The image of Kali came to my mind. I remembered a rite of passage I had done letting go of a stressful work environment using Kali in meditation. I quieted my mind and breathed through my heart posing the question, “Is it truly for the highest and finest good for me to release this friendship?” I see an image of Kali slicing her sword in front of me and her saying, “You know that friendship was over a long time ago already, you just held on hoping it would change. You two have done all you were meant to do together for now.” A quiet came over me. I imagined Kali cutting the cords of this relationship with her sword for the highest good of all concerned.
[K] ali is one of the most famous Hindu goddesses. There is a dark side of Kali I even don’t intend to talk about, because it scares me. I found her story and image at first intimidating. She is not submissive. Kali is a wild and fierce fighter. She is also a mother of four and has had a close connection in history with crops and fertility. But as archeo-mythologist Maria Gimbutas reminds us, ‘symbols of death always appear with symbols of rebirth such as the lotus flower. One does not come without the other, although we may not see it at the time.’ Kali made me look at my own dark side, my shadow too. I wasn’t always a stellar friend and had to ask myself, “Maybe I’m like her too”. There had been some drama between the two of us around her wedding. Had I not been there for her? Marriage is not only a new joyful beginning, but also brings endings. According to Liz Greene’s tarot deck “Death” is the card symbolizing marriage. It is gain through loss and that loss must be acknowledged and mourned. I was soon to rediscover this lesson in my personal rite of passage from single to married as I deeply mourned the ending of this friendship.
How do you know when to let go of a female friendship? I don’t think there are any rules in how to end a friendship or like humpty dumpty, how to put it together again.
I’m over that friendship drama. I send her good thoughts and hope all is well with her. Although, I have to admit I wonder what would happen if our paths will cross someday. Would we will laugh at how silly we were, letting bygones be bygones? Or would it be an awkward, icy reunion? I’m at peace knowing that gain and loss are intertwined. I trust as I have with other bygone friendships that someone new will come along. Often a new friend reflects where we are going ourselves, the unique path we are on and the life lessons we need to learn.
Meditation
Surround yourself with bubble of light and make an inner connection with a spiritual being. In front of your third eye imagine a movie screen 3 inches in front of you and pull up an image of someone you want to release for the highest good. See the cords connecting you both at your chakras: throat, heart, diaphragm and stomach. Now gently cut the cords between the two using a scissors, seeing the ends dissolve with love to their own transformation in the white light. Surround yourself with a healing blue light being thankful for all you learned in this relationship.
Ka
ren Hansen is offering ‘Feminine Faces Class’ September 24 and October 22 in Snohomish, WA. Experience the power of 13 inner characters symbolizing the light and dark faces of the feminine. Classes include Guided Meditation, Movement, Communing with Nature and more. Visit her website at www.TranspersonalTherapy.com for more information and to register.