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Madonna or Temptress – Archetypes in Our Lives

Written by on September 2, 2011 · Leave a Comment

by Karen Hansen, PhD, LMHC

The many characters of our inner world, often named archetypes, I’ve called Feminine Faces™.
Let’s look at another aspect of the ‘Mother’. Melissa and her husband came into therapy because lack of intimacy had become an issue in their marriage. She explained that her husband complained that she wasn’t even affectionate. “I’m not used to it. I didn’t grow up in a house where we hugged, maybe we got a goodnight kiss.” She had a hard time receiving affection and touch. “I saw my mother push my father away when he tried to approach her. I see myself doing the same thing now with my husband.”
It had been many years since they had had sex. When she reached menopause not only did her periods stop, but so did their sex life. She grew up in a strict religious household. As a daughter she inherited a belief that sex was dirty and “that’s is all boys want from you”. Her father stopped having anything to do with his daughters, when they became ‘little women’.  He shut down. Even the thought of a sexual being, capable of tempting a man, was a taboo in his house. Her mother tried to keep her under tight control. It made her wonder, if her mother maybe was not sexually available at all. Still, she inherited this maternal legacy of internalized shame. That sex is natural, normal and healthy became foreign in her internal belief system.

Her negative belief and shame were as it were confirmed, when she nearly died giving birth to a daughter. “She could hardly nurture her newborn”. The near death trauma created a sense of repulsion for her own blood and fluids. “Afterwards I had little interest in sex or anything down there.”  She felt an internal conflict brewing between being mother and lover at the same time. Like her mother she started to believe that a mom is not a sexual person.
Melissa had the Madonna/Temptress conflict and couldn’t see a blending between the two. The Madonna archetype was on a pedestal and the Temptress, Mary Magdalene, the crazy vixen women was on the other end. She felt she couldn’t be both.

The Madonna/Temptress syndrome can be seen in the movie “Analyze this Analyze that”. Billy Crystal plays a psychiatrist and asks his client at one point why he has affairs with other women. He is a married man. The client played by Robert De Niro replies in complete shock, “You mean to kiss the lips that kiss my children?” His wife as the mother of his children is in his view unapproachable in a romantic, intimate way. This illustrates what has been done to the feminine by portraying the Mother Mary as Virgin, sacred, untouchable and asexual. Mary Magdalene was the ‘other’ portrayed as Whore, sinful, sexual and sensual. De Niro’s character seeks out other women or prostitutes to satisfy his sexual nature, because his wife is untouchable as mother of his children. Through the images of the two Maries the feminine became split. Some part of this split lives deep in the collective unconscious of all women whether they are aware of it or not. It is a split that is meant to be whole. Woman is Madonna and Temptress.
We worked with meditation to free the nice girl who was programmed that sex is sinful and dirty. It’s not a matter of being temptress or mom. Woman can be both nice girl and vixen. We need to see ourselves as a desirable, not only as nurturing. Being human means we are sexual beings with nerve endings in the genitals, so it is natural to feel pleasure. Sex can give pleasure, warmth, closeness, excitement, release and self-esteem. Intimacy is a sacred part of a healthy relationship. We need to be in it for ourselves and the other.

The symbol that came to Melissa in her mediation was a red rose, symbolizing her birthright to a loving, intimate relationship that embraced her sensual side. She had to let go of the old beliefs about sex. For Melissa the task became learning to stay present and be a real partner during intimacy. And she was able to break the ancestral line with her daughters. When they reached puberty she had sex talks and read books with them about their rites of passage. She was able to explore places in her sexuality that were still held hostage by puritanical beliefs meant to scare rather than liberate her. Melissa was able to free the nice girl and relocate her sexuality in enjoyment and love.

If we do our shadow work, facing the dark Mother, we become lighter and we might wonder was Mary Magdalena really married to Jesus?
( Names have been changed and the particulars of the story altered to ensure confidentiality.)

 


AFFIRMATIONS

  • More and more, my sexuality expresses love and joyful playfulness
  • I am letting go of any guilt from childhood and puritanical beliefs meant to scare
  • I believe sex is a natural and healthy part of life.
  • It’s ok for me to receive love through affection and sexual pleasure

 

MEDITATION

Surround yourself with a white light and make an inner connection with a spiritual being.
We will release the part that thinks sex is “dirty” and replace it with light and the belief that you can create a loving,
intimate relationship in all areas of your sex life. We are going to cleanse that part of you that felt sinful or unclean.
Just imagine a movie screen a few inches out from your third eye. Ask for a symbol of that part of you, see that symbol on the movie screen.
Now imagine you have a laser beam in your hand and you are using it to send a cleansing healing light
to that part that told you sex is dirty, etc. Send it with love and light to its own transformation to the green fire.
Now imagine on your movie screen that you are a rose, the most beautiful rose.
See in front of yourself a beautiful rose, bring that into your heart and womb.
Connect with your heart and allow the body to relax as you imagine yourself as a rose.

 

Surrender is a skill you can learn, not a defeat or loss of power.
Karen Hansen, PhD, LMHC   is a psychotherapist working with individuals and groups.
www.transpersonaltherapy.com 425 361-3908.
Feminine Faces class 9/24 and 10/22, 10-2 $40/each class including soup lunch.
Experience the power of 13 inner characters symbolizing the light and dark faces of the feminine. Guided Meditation,
clay art, commune with nature. Snohomish, WA

 

 

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Kali – Birthing the New

Written by on August 1, 2011 · Leave a Comment

Artwork by Jena FuentesKali: Birthing the New

by Karen Hansen PhD, LMHC

[F] emale friendships are often compelling, life affirming, joyful and cherished, but complex. Why do some friendships succeed and others fail? When a friendship becomes troubled how do you know whether to hang on or let go? What do you do when you hit a rough spot? Letting go of a female friendship can be as painful as breaking up with a significant other.

We had been there for each other through thick and thin, turned to each other for laughs or advice and here she was, lacking any enthusiasm. Something about her lukewarm response on the phone about my new relationship should have been my first red flag. She clearly reacted cool to this new development in my life. But I went ahead and made the trip to her home where she made little effort to get to know who I saw as my sun and moon. Come to think of it, she had never really warmed up to any of my love interests. That night in our hotel room I was crying incessantly. I think I knew deep down that this impasse the two of us had reached after many years of friendship was the beginning of the end.

[I] nstead of being assertive I just felt hurt, tired and angry. I couldn’t see how she could be a part of this future chapter of my life. There had been times we talked out the changes we saw happening in our lives. Like when she got married or after the birth of her child. But this time everything wasn’t about her. It would be all about me, the bride, and that proved to be difficult.

The image of Kali came to my mind. I remembered a rite of passage I had done letting go of a stressful work environment using Kali in meditation. I quieted my mind and breathed through my heart posing the question, “Is it truly for the highest and finest good for me to release this friendship?” I see an image of Kali slicing her sword in front of me and her saying, “You know that friendship was over a long time ago already, you just held on hoping it would change. You two have done all you were meant to do together for now.”  A quiet came over me. I imagined Kali cutting the cords of this relationship with her sword for the highest good of all concerned.

[K] ali is one of the most famous Hindu goddesses. There is a dark side of Kali I even don’t intend to talk about, because it scares me. I found her story and image at first intimidating. She is not submissive. Kali is a wild and fierce fighter. She is also a mother of four and has had a close connection in history with crops and fertility. But as archeo-mythologist Maria Gimbutas reminds us, ‘symbols of death always appear with symbols of rebirth such as the lotus flower. One does not come without the other, although we may not see it at the time.’  Kali made me look at my own dark side, my shadow too. I wasn’t always a stellar friend and had to ask myself, “Maybe I’m like her too”. There had been some drama between the two of us around her wedding. Had I not been there for her? Marriage is not only a new joyful beginning, but also brings endings. According to Liz Greene’s tarot deck “Death” is the card symbolizing marriage. It is gain through loss and that loss must be acknowledged and mourned. I was soon to rediscover this lesson in my personal rite of passage from single to married as I deeply mourned the ending of this friendship.

How do you know when to let go of a female friendship? I don’t think there are any rules in how to end a friendship or like humpty dumpty, how to put it together again.

I’m over that friendship drama. I send her good thoughts and hope all is well with her. Although, I have to admit I wonder what would happen if our paths will cross someday. Would we will laugh at how silly we were, letting bygones be bygones? Or would it be an awkward, icy reunion? I’m at peace knowing that gain and loss are intertwined. I trust as I have with other bygone friendships that someone new will come along. Often a new friend reflects where we are going ourselves, the unique path we are on and the life lessons we need to learn.

Meditation

Surround yourself with bubble of light and make an inner connection with a spiritual being. In front of your third eye imagine a movie screen 3 inches in front of you and pull up an image of someone you want to release for the highest good. See the cords connecting you both at your chakras: throat, heart, diaphragm and stomach. Now gently cut the cords between the two using a scissors, seeing the ends dissolve with love to their own transformation in the white light. Surround yourself with a healing blue light being thankful for all you learned in this relationship.

Karen Hansen is offering ‘Feminine Faces Class’ September 24 and October 22 in Snohomish, WA. Experience the power of 13 inner characters symbolizing the light and dark faces of the feminine. Classes include Guided Meditation, Movement, Communing with Nature and more.  Visit her website at www.TranspersonalTherapy.com for more information and to register.

Categories: Goddesses, Healing, Meditation, Relationship Dynamics - Tags:

Empowering the Goddess – Pele’

Written by on July 5, 2011 · Leave a Comment

By Carmen Myrtis-Garcia  – Published July 2004.

The Sky is Not the Limit When the Stars are Your DesireHer name means “She Who Shapes the Sacred Land.”
Her fiery temper shakes up the earth deep inside the mountains and erupts in flames causing the red-hot lava to flow down the mountain-side into the sea to create new land.

The Legend
According to legend, Pele was born on the magical island of Bora Bora.  She was known as the “Flame in the Mouth of Mother Earth.”  Her father cast her out of the beautiful family home because of her temper.  Her older sister was Na-Maka-O-Kaha’i, the goddess of water.  Pele seduced Na-Maka-O-Kaha’i’s husband and sent her sister into a jealous and vengeful rage.   Pele moved from one island to another in attempt to escape from her sister, but where ever she went, Na-Maka-O-Kaha’I sent turbulent flood waters.  Finally, Pele found safety high on the mountainside of Kilauea on the Big Island of Hawaii.  She established her home there with her two other sisters and her brothers.

Pele and her sisters loved to dance. They are honored as the goddesses of the Hula.  Once, while at a dance ceremony, Pele fell in love at first site with a handsome young chief named Lohi’au.  She changed herself into a beautiful young woman and seduced him.  The two lovers spend many passionate days and nights together.  Eventually Pele had to return to her home.  She did so without telling Lohi’au.  She missed him so much that she sent her sister, Hi’lake to bring him to Kilauea.

When her sister arrived at the chief’s home, she discovered that he had grieved Pele’s disappearance so much that he died of a broken heart.  Hi’laka used magic to restore bring him back to life.   Meanwhile, Pele grew suspicious that Hi’laka had stolen Lohi’au from her.  Pele did not know that Hi’laka was bringing Lohi’au to her and when she saw them arm-in-arm she sent fiery lava to destroy her sister’s home.  Hi’laka tried unsuccessfully to save Lohi’au from the sea of destruction.  Pele killed her beloved chief because of her jealous temper. One of Pele’s brothers caught Lohi’au’s spirit as it floated from his body and restored him to life.

Pele’ Today
Her legend continues to this day. There are many reports of Pele appearing to people on the roads to Kilauea National Park.  Some say she appears as an old woman dressed in white accompanied by a small dog. Others claim to have seen her as a tall, beautiful woman.  Some people claim that she disappeared before their very eyes.  Other’s claim to see her face within volcanic eruptions.  It is believed that she puts a curse on those who take lava and other natural items from her sacred mountainside.
Pele is known as the goddess of emotions for sometimes she is fiery and unpredictable and other times she is calm and serene.  She is the goddess of awakening who shakes people out of boredom and out the rut they may find their lives in.  She motivates them to create change in their lives.

Ritual suggestion:
The ritual to Pele is most fun and empowering when done in a group and on the night of a full moon. It can be done either indoors or outside. Prepare an altar by making a paper mache’ volcano with a place for a votive candle at the very top.  Place two bowls of water and dry ice on either side of the mountain volcano.  Light other votive candles around the base of the paper mache mountain.  Place an offering of a variety of fruit on the altar….Pele loves offerings…chocolate is a special addition. Have each person write on a piece of red paper one or two goals or dreams they would like to manifest.

Each person in the group will read what they have written so that each other member can add positive energy to the intent.  Following the reading stand in a circle holding hands and do an Ohm meditation.  Once the energy is raised turn on a tape or c.d. or native Polynesian drumming music.   Have group members bring rattles and drums.   Each member will catch the red paper, on which they wrote their dreams, on fire from  the volcano flame and burn it in a fireproof bowl or shell.  Let all the papers burn to ashes giving your dreams to the fiery passion of Pele for her manifest.  Then everyone will dance, rattle, and drum to the rhythm of Pele’s music.  Close the circle with a victory yell.

© 2004 Carmen Myrtis-Garcia  teaches an online class “Goddesses & Women of the Ancient World” which can be taken from anywhere in the world for college credit or personal interest.

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